Did I mention that we had a baby? Seren Alma is almost 5 months old and I am so so so in love! Seren means Star and is pronounced like serenity, and Alma means Soul. She definitely has the Soul of a Star.
Seren is the most beautiful thing in the world to me and I am grateful beyond words to have her in my life. My heart has opened so much since her birth. To her, to Shon, to myself, to this precious life we live. My world has suddenly gotten so much smaller, even as my ability to love has expanded beyond imagining.
It is such a privilege to be able to care for Seren, and not need to put her in daycare. Shon is doing the brunt of the $$ earning at the moment. And I am stealing moments while Seren sleeps to work on my creative business. The moments are fleeting and many days I am amazed at how much I can suddenly get done. I have a constantly moving deadline since I never know when she’ll wake up!
Still, there are days when there has been very, very little sleep and all of this, my work, my writing, my art making, it all becomes very blurry and unfocused and seems impossible. When Seren is fussing and I am just so tired.
That’s when I remind myself to pause. To relax. To focus on these fleeting moments with my daughter. She is already growing up so fast. To have the faith that I am on the right path, that I will have time to make art soon. That I actually AM making art, even if it is little by little.
Yesterday was one of those days. Instead of working or creating while Seren napped, I watched an old episode of the Gilmore Girls. After Shon got home I treated myself to a bath, complete with candles, music, and a closed door. Today I met with friends and shared my truth, the struggles and the triumphs. By stepping into my own vulnerability and allowing myself to be seen I am able to move through the feelings of unease, of being lost.
Today I put some time into a new series of paintings I’m working on. It will likely be awhile before they are ready to share, but it feels so good to start!