As a professional artist, rejection and I have become old acquaintances. Each proposal and application set free into the world has its own destiny; some return bearing fruit, others with the polite 'no thanks' we're all familiar with. I've learned to receive these letters with a nod and a silent acknowledgment that not every opportunity is my call to answer. Last year's forgotten application was a testament to this practice of Trust and letting go.

Sometimes though, sometimes it hurts. I recently applied for a residency that I was 150% qualified for. I had literally done the thing that they were looking for someone to do, something not very many people have done, and I had done it with incredible results. As the date finalists were to be selected neared, and then passed, I kept telling myself that they must have had a delay and they just hadn’t made the selection yet. I was sure that I was going to get the position. I was certain that, at the very least, I would get an interview. I got neither.

When I received that rejection letter, my stomach tightened into knots, my vision tunneled and I couldn’t think of anything else. I couldn’t believe it. With all my varied experience, there was almost nothing that I was more qualified to do. I kept thinking, there must be some mistake; maybe part of my application didn’t go through for some reason? I reached out to the residency contact and asked for feedback. She thoughtfully offered to have a phone call with me. When we spoke, she said I was a hard person to give feedback to because my application was so good. I was at the top of the list of applicants. Even so, there were a few other applicants that the panel thought were a better fit.

While I didn’t receive a lot of helpful feedback, she did say that she was really glad I applied because now she knew more about my work. She had heard of me before, but now that she was more aware, and so were the panelists, there was a much better chance that they might reach out to me for other artistic work. Nonetheless, I spent a lot of time on that application. And at this point in my career, I don’t really need the practice!

Making that call, I felt nervous and vulnerable. Even though she didn’t have anything negative to say about my application or my work, it was a hard call to make. I was essentially asking her to tell me what was wrong with my application, my work, and maybe even me. As I hung up the phone, tears came to my eyes as all of that emotion demanded release. I let the tears fall, got a hug from my partner, and realized I felt better. I’d received closure and was ready to move on.

Even though I receive rejections way more than acceptance, I do believe that putting myself out there in this way helps to open other possibilities. And while this one didn’t pan out, I have 2 other great projects in the works that I didn’t even have to apply for. A city in my region and a local organization both reached out to me, wanting to work with me on large projects. One of these people had met me 10 years ago when I brought the Plastic Whale Project to her community. The other found me through word of mouth. So even though I get a lot of rejection for things that I apply to, there is a need and a want for my work.

After that recent hard rejection, I found myself vacillating much more than usual from grandiose thinking (I’m an expert at this! I deserve to have this!), to self-deprecation (Who do you think you are? You don’t deserve anything!) When I am bouncing back and forth between pride and pride-reversed, I am not showing up with the me that I want to be. This leads me to a practice of staying right-sized. I get to practice being an artist among artists, an activist among activists, an educator among educators, a human among humans. There are so many incredible people doing amazing work in this world. And I get to be one of them. I’m not better than them, or more deserving than them, and I’m also not less than them. I am part of a movement. A movement of humans on this planet, who are using their creativity and their courage to create a better world. And I am so grateful that I am not doing this work alone. Because sometimes, it can feel that way. And when I remember that I am part of a movement, it gives me strength. It gives me purpose. And it helps me to stay right-sized—not too big and not too small.

I do my best to follow my intuition and curiosity, and this leads me to places I wouldn’t have dreamed of going, places so much richer than anything I could imagine. Sometimes though, my ego gets in the way and while I think I know what I need, what is best for me, my motives aren’t true. When my ego gets in the way I come at things from a self-centered place, instead of a place of service. And so I practice centering my Self in a different way, a way that brings me into alignment with my true self. I ask for guidance. I listen. I make mistakes. And I try again.

When I do my work and let go of the outcomes, opportunities show up that are impactful and meaningful for me. I get to learn and grow. I get to grieve and move through my grief into a new way of being.

It is tempting to look at someone who is successful in your field and only see their success. What you don’t see are the countless hours of dedication and practice and toil, the pile of rejection letters, the failures that precede and accompany the successes. Like an iceberg, we only see what is above the surface, not the 90% that is below.

When we’re just starting out, rejection can feel like the end of the world—like we are on the wrong track; that we shouldn’t bother. If you are going to succeed, you must learn how to cope with rejection, because rejection is part of the process.

So how does one deal with rejection? There is an art to it. Below are 5 ways to cope with rejection:

The Art of Rejection

This or Something Better

When I apply for something, I like to think “This or something better”. The reality is, I don’t know what is best for me. I may be completely qualified for a particular project or role, but that doesn’t mean it is where my path will lead. Rejection may open space for something even better.

Normalize Rejection

If you want to live a courageous life, maybe as an artist or leader in your community, you will absolutely face rejection. In fact, if you are not getting rejected on a regular basis, you might not be showing up enough. Let each ‘no’ be proof that you are showing up and doing your best. And let that be enough.

Embrace the Role of the Observer

Often, we are so entrenched in our personal narrative that rejection feels like a direct hit to our identity. Step back and observe the situation as if you're an outsider looking in. This shift in perspective can lessen the sting and open us up to learning from the experience without being consumed by it.

Cultivate Resilience through Creative Expression

Turn the energy of rejection into fuel for your art. Let the emotions it stirs be released through your creative process. Whether it's through a new piece or by adapting an existing project, use your medium to process and transcend the initial disappointment. This not only helps in healing but also strengthens your voice and vision.

Seek Community and Connection

Rejection can isolate us, making us feel as though we're the only ones struggling. Reach out to your community—other artists, friends, mentors—and share your experience. You'll find solace in common stories and may even gain new insights and opportunities through these shared vulnerabilities.

When the weight of rejection sits heavy on my shoulders, I remind myself of the earth beneath my feet, the sky above, and the community around me. I am but one brushstroke in a vibrant mural of collective effort. The movement we are part of—that seeks to stir hearts and minds through creativity and courage—is vast and inclusive. In this tapestry, every thread is essential, every color vital. I am honored to weave my own into the ever-expanding work of art that is our shared humanity.

I breath in acceptance and gratitude, and turn my focus to my current projects. I recognize that not getting this position is giving me the space to complete a project that I have been holding close, something I have yet to share about, something that I never thought I would do, something I am really excited about. I can’t wait to share this project with you! But not just yet…

As you stand in your own spotlight of scrutiny, what stories of rejection and resilience can you share? How have they sculpted the contours of your journey? As you reflect, find solace in our collective narrative, and remember that sometimes, the most resonant art is born from the most profound disappointments.

And so, my friend, as you trace the lines of your own stories, what rejections have colored your history? How have they shaped the masterpiece that is your life's work? Share with me, if you will, the moments that have cut deep but also carved out the path to where you stand now, brush in hand, ready to paint the next stroke of your life’s story.