I heard myself say these words the other day: “I’m really enjoying the uncertainty in the direction of my creative business right now.” Whoa, where did that come from?! In the past, uncertainty has been a very uncomfortable place for me. Uncomfortable and sometimes terrifying! I think it has to do with not running away. Over the past year and a half, my life was filled with so much uncertainty. The uncertainty of whether or not I would get pregnant, of whether I would have a miscarriage or there would be some problem with the birth. Uncertainty around my former home and where we would live. The uncertainty of growing my art business amidst all of this change. I’ve gotta say, the second half of 2015 and the first half of 2016 was one of the most challenging years of my life.
And I didn’t run away.
There is something so powerful of simply being with the uncertainty. Sitting with it, dropping into it, riding it out until the being becomes empowering.
I woke up early the other morning, giddy with exuberance for life. Joking with Shon, dancing around. Happy in my own skin.
What a difference a year makes. We did not get what we wanted with our living situation. We have, and still do, grieve our cabin and the land we lived on for so many years. But, we did our best, and things seem to work out how they do for a reason.
Today, we have a beautiful, healthy daughter, a new home that we love, even with all of it’s ‘built in 1901’ quirks, and though we are tired, we are happy. I have a new studio that I LOVE and am working on my business while Seren sleeps.
So what’s a little bit of uncertainty with my work? It’s actually exciting to NOT KNOW which doors will open and which I’ll choose to walk through while absolutely KNOWING that there will be doors, that if I keep myself open and keep doing the work, it will figure itself out.
This all takes practice. Daily practice. And it is this practice that allows me to trust in the uncertainty of these times. This knowing that all of the uncertainty in the world will pass. It will be difficult. There will be fear and tears. But it will pass. And we will move through this into a new way of being that is lighter, more joyous, and filled with love.